I have to admit, as a runner, I'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM! I can't remember my last
real run, but I remember the exact day, the exact moment when I realized maybe running isn't my thing. June 6, 2012. 1 second from going on my habitual lunch time run, 1 month after the Orange County Marathon. I said "Fuck it. I'm eating lunch." Why? I'm guessing it's because I trained so hard to reach a goal time and I missed it by 4 mins.
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| June 6, 2012. 1 Day after the Transit o' Venus. |
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| June 6, 2012. 15 days after the Infamous Pinhole Eclipse of 2012 |
After the race, talking to my friends, I realized I started off too fast. for 17 miles I was on pace for a 3:40! But the wheels came off. All the nagging injuries I chose to ignore came back with a vengeance. Oh, I'm not using that as an excuse, because I've run marathons on a broken toe, a 50 miler on stress fracture, yadda yadda. I typically grit and bear it, but that day was different.
The strained achilles tendon that took me out for 3 weeks didn't help
I trained so hard, pouring my heart and soul into it. So much so, that missing my goal killed my spirit. I was happy for my buddy, who gave me a ride to the event, for HIS SUB-4. He started off running a 5 HOUR pace and he still kicked my ass! On the surface, I convinced myself that, no worries, it gives me a push for the next race.
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| May 6, 2012. Post Race Meal... AWWW HELLS YEAH! |
But, I could not kid myself, I was fried. Mentally, physically, mentally, mentally... It took 1 month for me to actually say, "FUCK IT." Since that day, my exercise regime has spun downward and downward. The good thing? I've got a ton of free time! I feel like I'm kicking ass at work and I see my kids when they wake up! I'm eating lunch with my friends, and my Saturdays have been nice and lazy.
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| TICK TOCK LOOK AT ALL THIS GLORIOUS TIME!! *Urgh* |
So, why do I think like this is ROCK BOTTOM? Once a runner, always a runner? Well, I've gained 13lbs. My short shorts have really become short short short briefs. I feel like shit. Like a meth addict, you can't stop cold turkey with your addiction. Unlike a meth addict, who given the chance will kill a raging gorilla for that next hit, I've spiraled to the point where I don't even WANT to run because it so hard to get back. I feel like I've dropped so low that I can't see the light from this well.
Why and I pouring this out? I want to log in my blog (because who the fuck would be reading this incoherent drivel anyways?) and yell to the hurricane that is the internets that I NEED TO GET BACK AT IT!
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| Like a lovestruck brokenhearted teenage little girl who feels like the world always ENDING... |
It started last Tuesday. I ran a 10k. Sure it took an hour, but hell it was outside. Yesterday, I ran a mile on the treadmill. Today, I'm going to push for a 5k.
I'm supposed to run the SF marathon on Sunday, but though I will be in the area for work, I'm going to spend the day running on my own. I just don't want to end with a 5+ hour marathon. I just need to get outta this funk.
Well, hell.. enough chatting, I've got to go run. !!
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| Play me off, Johnny! |
